March 4^th, 2013

Over the past few months, my niece Shain has tried to reach out to her mother- Kathie -in an effort to re-establish a relationship with her. It was also her hope to re-establish and try to heal some of the rifts created when her brother, Jeffrey, and his friends decided that drugs, booze, and lies were more important than family unity. Jeffrey had used his abilities as a pathological liar combined with his masterful manipulative powers over his feeble grandmother, Edna, to systematically devastate and divide the family in order to keep his drug habits alive. Thus far, he believes he has been victorious in his efforts. But- as Shain well knows -Jeffrey may win all of the battles but will still lose the war. The final joke in life is on Jeffrey, and he has perpetrated it upon himself.

Kathie seemed encouraging and eager to bring Shain back into the fold. But, it did not take long for Shain to realize that the same old hateful attitudes, lies, and fierce need for secrecy still hold that same old ugly grip on the family that had driven her away two years ago after daring to speak the truth about Jeffrey's drug problems. "The Wilsons" (a phrase that Kathie had coined two years ago in various letters to derisively describe Shain's father's side of the family) were still as hateful and divisive as ever. They continue to hide (and lie about) Jeffrey's problems, and they openly hate anyone who dares to expose the problem and get him meaningful help for his devolving behaviors. They claim that it is THEY who are protecting and helping him by doing so. But, the question has to be asked... How is enabling a drug abuser "helping" him? Why do "The Wilsons" so vigorously HATE someone who has actually and honestly tried to get him to quit his drug habits? "The Wilsons" are the ones who are doing great damage to Jeffrey in more ways than their short-sighted rationalizations would ever allow them to realize. But, that is Jeffrey's fate to suffer...

Last week, Shain asked Kathie about some items she had left behind at her aunt's house during the time she was forced out of the family. Kathie had promised to look into it, and soon responded that her aunt was holding the items hostage. Again, this is the normal tack of "The Wilsons." They could have responded in a loving, positive way by sending Shain the trinkets along with a card or letter telling her that they love her and hope she will contact them sometime soon to mend fences. That would have gone a long way toward persuading Shain to extend a hand back to the family. Instead, their hatred and fear got the better of them, and they thought they could coerce Shain into compliance by proffering their disingenuous invitation of, "If she wants them, she knows how to get them." Since Shain had already tried to establish contact with her aunt a year previous- with no response from her -Shain knew that this was simply another hateful gesture on the part of "The Wilsons" in order to deny her even the simplest of requests.

When Shain reminded Kathie that all of this began because of Jeffrey's wilfull and disgusting behavior in choosing drugs over family, Kathie said that she was not going to "get involved" in that. This helped Shain to realize that Kathie's lack of involvement in important family matters from the very beginning had helped cause a lot of these problems that exist today. It also proved to Shain that Kathie will do and say anything to appease "The Wilsons" since they hold all of the cards. Shain wrote Kathie a final letter spelling all of this out very clearly for Kathie. What follows is Kathie's curse-laiden retort- which is full of threats and 'blame everyone but me' rhetoric. Notice how she threatens that Jeffrey's brother, Allen, "will get his" after she returns from prison. Also notice that Kathie is fearful that "The Wilsons" could call the cops at any time and have her sent away for the rest of her time owed. This letter pretty much sums up life with "The Wilsons" and Kathie. Why would Shain- or ANYONE ELSE -want to mend fences with the kind of drama that goes on up there? "The Wilsons" make even the sleaziest soap operas appear linear and uneventful... If only "The Wilsons" would try love, honesty, and genuine gestures of reconciliation, maybe there could be peace and harmony in the family once more. Of course, that would mean that Jeffrey would have to give up his precious drug habits... and Edna would have to work to make it so... Thus, we do not expect peace or harmony for many generations to come...